Last week was a huge week not only in the Anderson household, but a huge week for me, as a mom.
I found out last week that my third precious angel was going to be a baby girl.
Aside from everyone screaming Team Pink and being so happy for Sam and I, this news hits me on a whole other level than the excitement. This news was another confirmation of God in my life, and his love and trust in me. Let me explain.
For many women, having a girl is everything they could want...and for some having a boy is their dream. For me, I have the two most precious little boys a mom could ask for. You've never seen love until you've seen the way Jude and Titus love me. But aside from that, I have been praying for a daughter as long as I can remember.
From the moment Sam and I decided it was time for baby number three, I have been in constant prayer with God about the gender. Sound a little ridiculous? Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24. There is my justification. I wanted a daughter so bad, every time I thought about my pregnancy I would pray for Gods will to be done, and for a healthy baby, but if that will would be a girl, even better.
But I got to the point in my walk that I started to doubt myself, doubt myself as a mom and as a person. I started to doubt that God would give me a girl because I wasn't good enough. That I couldn't possibly shape and form a little girl to be worth enough. I started to doubt if I even wanted a daughter, just to mess her up. I told God, "God, if I'm not good enough, or strong enough or smart enough, please DON'T give me a girl, I don't want her to be less in life because I don't have what it takes to shape her into a Godly woman." Now my boys, they were going to be okay because they have the most amazing father and mentor they could have. But a girl? What was I thinking? I am NO role model, much less someone that needs to teach a young girls heart.
Now I know what your thinking. Your thinking its all predetermined, and this is ridiculous and that no one should put this much thought into something so small.
Well you are wrong, on all accounts.
Well you are wrong, on all accounts.
This was a huge struggle in my self confidence and my relationship with God. I began to feel like that high school girl again that wasn't good enough for anyone and wasn't fit for a king.
Well that day, God showed me I am fit for a King, and I am fit for my daughter.
Because he said so. And he is in control of all things good and perfect.
And she is going to be perfect.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
